Freaking out!

Hubby says to me “since Kaleb is my son, wouldn’t it be funny if he came on Friday, April 13th.”  Hubby loves that day and for whatever reason it usually ends up being lucky for us.  I tried to explain to him that I would only be 36 weeks 1 day pregnant (35 weeks 5 days pregnant by dating ultrasound) and it is still early, but he insisted it is his son and he will be stubborn and have to be born on that date.  I humored him and said ok and went about whatever I was doing.  Then it dawned on my OMG that is only 2 weeks away!!!!


Of course I don’t believe he will arrive that early, it still made me realize that the date (5/18) I discussed for my repeat c-section is only 7 weeks away.  If I pushed into scheduling a repeat for 39 weeks that means I have roughly between 5 and 6 weeks.  In just over a month (give or take) I will be holding my baby boy.  It is beginning to sink it and I am freaking out!  I can’t believe that soon I will be a mother of four.  Six years ago if you asked me if I would have a child my answer would have been no.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want children, I didn’t think I could have them or if I would ever find the right person.


My freaking out is not as bad as it could be though, hubby will be taking the first 3 weeks off which will help me get adjusted.  For the first week or so my main focus is going to be nursing on demand and begin establishing my supply, while he focuses on the Drama Queens.  Gradually over the remaining two weeks I will work up to figuring out how to manage caring for a newborn, nursing and caring for all the girls needs on my own.  I’m sure I can do it.  It took a little getting used to after having Kaylee because both Khloe and Keira were very demanding, but hubby was also out of work at the time.

Miracle-Gro® Expand ‘n Gro™ Concentrated Planting Mix Review Giveaway

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Scotts® for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.


EnG Product Shot.png


I am far from a gardener. I do love planting fruits and vegetables when I remember because the Drama Queens love fresh produce. Whether I plant from a seed (and hope for it to sprout up) or purchase a plant that will need to be transplanted to our garden, I’m always afraid they will not grow.


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I can’t wait to try out Expand ‘n Gro™! The Drama Queens have been wanting to grow sunflowers. They love the seeds and I intended to grow them inside in pots before transferring them outside around late April. Expand ‘n Gro™ will be perfect for our attempt. I love the idea that is expands 3 times when mixed with water and can feed our sunflowers for up to 6 months! I also like that it can be used outside and not just in a pot, this way if I forget to pick up seeds I can always purchase pre-grown sunflowers and transfer them into the garden with Expand ‘n Gro™.


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Blog decisions…

You might have noticed after finding out that we were having a boy I changed my blog name.  I haven’t officially changed it anywhere except the header because I can’t decide what I want to do.  I am still going to be a SAHM of Drama Queens, but I will now have a little boy in the group.  I am not sure I want to change it, but at the same time I want Kaleb to have a special piece of his own in it’s name.  What would you do?  Would you change your blogs name?


I am also planning to do a redesign after he has arrived and I have some photos.  I just don’t know if I am going to feel up to it.  Graphically I can do it, but I have the tendency to not like designs I have created for myself.  I also don’t think I want to mess with coding.  I can not design from scratch, I usually find a free design I like and alter it to fit leaving original credit not only on my blog, but also within the coding.  I would love to hire someone to do it all for me, but money wise I am not really sure we can swing it.  There are some reasonably priced designers out there and while I find their work nice, I am not particularly fond of it (generally their graphic design, but love the layouts they create).  Is anyone aware of someone that is reasonably priced (i.e. under $100, lower the better) that would say design a layout (or tweak a current layout they created) to what I have in my mind, but not charge for graphics if I were to create them myself?  I have some idea of the layout I want, no idea on graphics yet and I want to be able to maybe launch shortly after Kaleb is born (and after my 2 year blogging anniversary on May 8th).


32 week appointment, meeting the OB.

On Monday I met with the OB to go over options and listen to suggestions per hospital guidelines.  I really believe (short of a regular prenatal visit) that it was a waste of time.  Not only did I get called back 20 minutes after my appointment time, but another 30 minutes was spent going over options and coming to a decision to wait to make a decision.  On the plus side the OB said based on feel and the location of Kaleb’s heart beat she is pretty sure he is not only head down, but in position explaining the sudden increase in pressure and pain.


In roughly 3 weeks I will be having an ultrasound to verify his position as well as check my uterus.  With Kaylee it was discovered that I had a window (thin spot) on the right side of my uterus at the scar which meant a higher chance of rupture during labor.  We are going to see if there is a window there this time around and make our decision based upon the results.  Trying to decide what to do will be left up to me, but I am sure whatever the results there will be pressure to do one thing or another.


My options as they stand are;

  • To schedule a repeat c-section for 39 weeks, hoping to avoid going into labor before that date (highly suggested by the OB regardless of the results)
  • Have a trial of labor regardless of the results and either delivering vaginally or having a repeat c-section
  • Schedule a repeat c-section for 41 weeks if my uterus appears favorable and hope for labor before that date

I am really very torn on which way to go.  The OB understood my reasoning for wanting to try a VBA3C.  My biggest concern is whatever decision I make there are risks.  I could attempt labor, rupture and need an emergency c-section in which case I will be put fully under and not only will I miss Kaleb’s birth, but hubby will as well.  Rupture could even be so severe that I would need a hysterectomy.  I could have a scheduled repeat c-section only to learn scar tissue is so bad they would not suggest having anymore children.  Of as well as all the risks of major surgery as well.  While I have no control over rupture, I do have the control over at least trying to avoid surgery again.  I would prefer it be my body telling me when it is done having children, rather than it due to surgery that was originally (Khloe’s birth 5 years ago) not needed.


Hopefully all will look good on ultrasound and I can have a trial of labor.  If during labor I notice some of the classic warning signs of rupture about to occur and I end up having another c-section I will be a little more at peace with the birth.  I will feel comfortable knowing that while I did have another c-section, Kaleb got to come on his terms and I at least tried.

I’m Here!!!!

Last weekend I fully intended to post for this last week, but that didn’t happen.  My hubby was not asked, but told he had to work last Sunday at the very last minute.  By the time he was home from work on Friday I was exhausted and didn’t have the energy to setup posts. I went to bed early on Saturday knowing I would have to get up early rather than sleep in like usual and then Sunday I kept the girls outside and busy so they wouldn’t realize daddy wasn’t home.


On Monday I had my 32 week appointment to meet with the OB to discuss my options, which I will post about shortly.  On Thursday I hit 33 weeks!  Wow I am so close, it is still not sinking in that soon Kaleb will be here.

Have you heard of Lotty Dotty?

Have you seen Lotty Dotty yet?  By far they have to be the cutest t-shirts I have ever seen.  Featuring adorable paper dolls with 3d detachable parts to change out your dolls look.  Each t-shirt has a beautiful screen-printed figure on it with a sewn on velcro bathing suit.  You can purchase cute outfits to place onto your doll and play dress up right on your t-shirt.  The outfits are simply adorable and fun for little (and big) girls to accessorize their outfit.  Each t-shirt is 100% organic cotton and recycled materials have been used whenever possible.  I think if you are looking for the perfect gift for a special little girl (or woman) in your life these t-shirts are a great idea.



Lotty Dotty Partners with Innocence in Danger

Lotty Dotty has partnered with Innocence in Danger to raise funds for abused children and women affected by child abuse to sex slavery.  Joining together they hope to help end these crimes.


The “Have a Heart” dress was specially designed by co-founder and CEO Shevanne Helmer and will be sold at Lotty Dotty and other websites for $70.  Each purchase of the “Have a Heart” package will donate $20 to Innocence in Danger.  They are hoping to reach their goal of $7,000 by selling 350 “Have a Heart” t-shirt packages, meaning they will need to sell an average of 7-8 packages a week.


To draw attention to the campaign Lotty Dotty donated 150 t-shirts to be placed in the gift bags at Innocence in Danger fundraising dinner on Thursday, March 8th (Woman Days) at the Pavillon Gabriel in Paris.

Below you can see the special “Have a Heart” package.  Which includes the Lotty Dotty paper dolls wearing a signature bow dress and includes the special “Have a Heart” outfit.



Can I homeschool?

Just over four years ago, while pregnant with Keira hubby and I made the decision that I would become a SAHM.  It was shortly after she was born that we began to toy with the idea of homeschooling them.  There isn’t one single reason why we have thought about taking this direction, but several.  Hubby was never very fond of school and I often found myself bored in the classroom.  There wasn’t enough one on one time for the students and many of my teachers in high school ran out the door faster than the students at the end of the day.  In the subjects I was confident in and took advanced placement classes I felt were too slow paced and the areas I didn’t have as large an interest I found to be too fast (for regular classes) to fully grasp and learn everything.  Living in Boston there is an over crowding in the schools and we cannot be guaranteed to get placement in a school near our home, let alone in our city and will be bused elsewhere.  While they do try to place siblings within the same school, it is not always the case should there be no room.  We also feared because of Khloe’s behavior that we’d often get calls from school because she wasn’t listening to the teacher, fighting with other students, not focusing and staying in one place or just feeling sick.  Being I don’t drive we fear figuring out how to pick her up should she not be local.  Hubby can’t leave work all the time to go get her and I would have to drag the other three perhaps on buses and trains to go and get her. And what if she is sick?  Then I have to take her all the way back home on public transportation while being sick.  I wasn’t so worried before, but as we near when she would have to be enrolled (my understanding I don’t have to report or enroll her until next fall) I am frightened.


Within the last couple months we have gone back and forth with numerous conversations trying to decide if we will enroll her into public school, online school or if I will homeschool.  I am scared I won’t be able to keep her focus and balance teaching her while keeping her siblings entertained.  Keira is only 13 months younger than her, so I could have her sit in with us when we have formal lessons and use fun and play for other learning, but what about Kaylee and Kaleb?  I know that eventually all four will be homeschooled, but what do I do until then?  I know the first couple years I really don’t need a structured curriculum, but then what?  In public school years when Kaleb will have to be “officially” homeschooled and reported, Kaylee will be in 2nd/3rd grade, Keira 4th/5th and Khloe 5th/6th.  While Kaylee will need some structure I might easily be able to get away with learning through real life like baking, saving money and shopping, however I do believe Khloe and Keira will need full structure and more attention to keep them focused.  I fear I won’t have the discipline or patience to properly teach them.


Have any of you that homeschool had the same fears and worries?  What helped you to over come these fears?

Birth Fears

Today I am 32 weeks pregnant and as Kaleb’s birth is nearing I find myself becoming more afraid of his birth.  On the 19th I am meeting with one of the OBs (hospital protocol) to book my repeat c-section.  My midwife has told me the decision is mine when it comes to attempting a VBAC again, but I am still worried the OB will fight me.  I am hoping to have my repeat booked for no earlier than 41 weeks based on going into labor at 40 weeks, 6 days with Kaylee.


I have so many fears going into this delivery.  With Kaylee I did go into labor on my own, so I know my body does know what to do.  I labored for some where between 14-18 hours with her and showed warning signs that my uterus might rupture shortly after arriving to the hospital.  Rather than continue laboring and waiting to see how it goes, hubby and I took all the information presented to us, the warning signs I was showing and made the decision to head to the OR.


In my mind I believe I can have a vaginal birth, but I am worried my body will have other plans.  I feel though that I will be more at peace with my delivery if I can at least allow Kaleb and my body to decide when it is time, than to schedule a c-section when neither might be ready.  I want to know that I at least tried, that I did all I could do even if the end result is a healthy little boy and a repeat c-section.


Going into Kaleb’s labor and delivery we are trying to prepare a little better.  We are hoping to hire a doula (though I feel horrible because it seems like everything that can happen, has and we have not been able to meet yet), I plan to try laboring longer at home and to make sure I keep myself hydrated at the first signs of labor.  I have a bad habit of forgetting to have anything to drink and I believe this might have been part of the reason Kaylee showed a tacky heart rate and not all due to my uterus preparing to rupture.


One would think that this is my fourth delivery I wouldn’t be so nervous, but with past deliveries it really has me scared I will not come to terms with what ever way I deliver.  I am worried I will have disappointment in Kaleb’s delivery and find myself suffering from PPD as I did after Keira was born.

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Happy 2nd Birthday Kaylee!

Two years ago my little monkey Kaylee joined our family.  She is a bundle of the cutest little giggles and is a little chatter box.  She is constantly sharing with her sisters or bringing them stuff they are looking for.  She is currently obsessed with Mickey and Minnie Mouse, owls, monkeys and kitty cats.  It is hard to believe that it has already been two years because it seems like only yesterday I was announcing I was pregnant and waiting for her arrival.  I don’t think I could ask for a more perfect little girl.


Happy Birthday my little Kay!  Mommy, daddy and sissies love you oodles and look forward to all the laughs and fun in the years to come!